An Archive of Growth?
how's your lovelife?

Your relationship status and how you feel about it.

I am, as ever, single. In large part this is because I am lazy and introverted and avoid going out. Meeting new people? Exhausting! Bar scene? Gag me. So it’s internet dating for me, which means I have to go actively boot up the app and see what’s what.

There was a point, maybe 3-4 years ago, when I felt really ready for a relationship. I was really getting my shit together, work was steady, etc. And I did find someone, Danny, and things seemed to be going swimmingly until they very abruptly were not. So then it takes time to feel like getting back out there.

Time is the enemy of love when you’re a woman. Your ovaries are said to be ticking time bombs (even though that isn’t true, you get at least 15 more years than anticipated). Everything is about the timing of children, which means the timing of marriage, which means you have to always be wondering about the long-term potential. This shit is exhausting. Is it any wonder I ignore it most of the time?

But, I’m in a new place. My plan was to jump back into dating as soon as we were settled. WELL. Then my mother got sick and now we’re looking at 1-2 years of treatment where I’ll really be needed around the house. I’m emotionally wrung out from all this, so why would I even want to go looking?

I do kind of, though. So I’m dabbling. Seeing who’s around. I sent a message and got encouraging messages in return and we’ll see if anything happens from that.

I do feel like my odds are a lot better on this continent. So here’s hoping.

Photo: Toufiqul Alam

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